WASHINGTON, D.C—The White House is scrambling in an effort to improve the likability of Vice President Kamala Harris. Reports indicate that Democrats fear for her chances of re-election if drastic measures are not taken immediately.
Looking for help anywhere they can get it, Democrats in their desperation have turned to Hillary Clinton to coach Kamala and teach her how to be more likable.
“First things first Kamala," explained Clinton. "Next time you're tempted to cackle uncontrollably, just call half of the U.S. 'a basket of deplorables' instead. Sure it’s divisive and unpopular, but it’s a step in the right direction for you.”
“Now let’s practice what to say when people hound you over and over for your inexplicable decision to avoid the border.” continued Hillary. “Repeat after me: 'What. Difference. Does. It. Make.' Say that and everyone will be off your case in no time!”
Hillary ran through several drills to try and help Kamala not cackle when she asked things like “are you a socialist?” or “why are kids in cages?”.
After realizing that strategy was hopeless, Hillary had to give up and try something else.
In a last-ditch effort, Hillary encouraged Kamala to start her own email scandal to keep everyone distracted and focused on something else. Hillary sighed, “Kamala, I know it sounds crazy, but if everyone’s talking about your emails and not your likability, you might finally see your public perception improve from where it’s at."