CUPERTINO, CA — Apple announced on Monday that longtime CEO Tim Cook would be stepping down from his role at the company and would be replaced by Tim Cook Pro Max 17, effective September 1.
Tim Cook Pro Max 17 is reportedly just like Tim Cook, but one inch larger, and features a slightly improved camera.
"This is a superior Tim Cook in every way," said Apple Senior Vice President and General Counsel Jennifer Newstead. "We are grateful to Tim for his hard work and continued loyalty to the company. But it's time for new leadership with greater pixel density and refresh rate that most people won't notice."
Tim Cook will reportedly move to a new role as executive chairman of Apple's board of directors as he assists Tim Cook Pro Max 17 during an expected transition period where he transfers all his passwords to the new CEO. "It will probably take me twenty minutes to port everything over," Cook said.
"I'm excited to get to work doing a slightly better job than my predecessor," said Tim Cook Pro Max 17. "I have a faster processor, and larger memory capacity, so I can multitask slightly better, which means I will get things done slightly faster. I also have longer battery life, so I can work longer hours before needing to be recharged."
According to business analysts, it was long past time for Cook to step down to make room for new leadership at Apple. "Tim Cook was pivotal in keeping the company moving forward after the passing of Steve Jobs, but Tim Cook Max Pro 17 is compatible with USB-C," said CNN journalist Bill Weir. "It's about time!"
At publishing time, Apple confirmed that Tim Cook Pro Max 17 was also available in black.
California transplants Steve and Timpani try to be the perfect Texas hosts for Brittuni's visit, but Steve quickly realizes he needs a sensible vehicle now that he's about to become a dad.
