ORLANDO, FL—Three conservative CPAC attendees refused to bow to the golden Trump statue at the conference, sources confirmed today. Those at the conference had been instructed to bow down and worship when Lee Greenwood's "God Bless the U.S.A." played on the PA system.
The three attendees, though, said they could not violate their consciences and worship a man.
"What's a conscience?" asked one confused conference organizer. "Sounds scary."
The three men were given one last chance to repent and bow when the song played, but they refused, causing the Republican party leaders present to order the furnace heated seven times. They were then tossed in.
At publishing time, Republicans were shocked to see a fourth man standing in the fire with them: Mike Pence.