SACRAMENTO, CA—In a shocking twist no one could have seen coming, thousands of inmates within the California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation experienced sudden-onset gender dysphoria after Gavin Newsom announced prisoners will be housed according to their gender identity.
"Uh, yeah, I, like, feel like a woman," said Brass Knuckles Billy, who has been incarcerated in Crescent City for violent crimes for many years. "I never felt this inside myself before, but once I heard Gavin Newsom affirm who I really am inside, I knew I had to come out."
"I've always known I was actually a girl," said Rapin' Rick, an inmate in Chino, as he put on a wig hastily made out of cigarettes. "I can't wait to take my place as a real woman at long last."
Some suspect there is an ulterior motive to the sudden switch in gender identity, though no one in California's government can figure out what it is. Some think that the male prisoners just really want to see if women's bathrooms are really as nice and clean as the rumors say.