WASHINGTON, D.C. - Representative Thomas Massie is under investigation after it was discovered that he has been heavily influenced by a far-right extremist group, the Founding Fathers of the United States of America.
Investigators raided Massie's office and found extremist material, such as the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, along with fringe content like the Federalist Papers. Massie is being held on suspicion of far-right domestic extremism. It's not clear that's illegal, but Nancy Pelosi said they are detaining him just in case.
"We found lots of reading material in his office written by these far-right extremists known as the 'founders of our nation,'" said Pelosi. "It seems he is reading this stuff and getting crazy ideas in his head about liberty and the government needing the consent of the governed. It's really dangerous stuff."
"This is America, and ideas about personal responsibility and making your own choices have no place here," she added sternly.
At publishing time, Massie had made a daring escape from captivity by climbing out the Capitol window on tied-together bed sheets and is currently at large plotting to cross the Delaware and surprise Biden's armies stationed in Trenton.