WASHINGTON, D.C. — An infuriated President Trump blamed Diversity, Equity and Inclusion after discovering that McDonald's had accidentally left the pickles off of his Big Mac.
"NO PICKLES!! This is what you get when you choose diversity over merit!!" Trump posted on Truth Social. "It was a routine Big Mac order, very straightforward. How do you miss the pickles? This is a terrible situation that could have been prevented. NOT GOOD!!"
Advisors reportedly questioned Trump as to why, exactly, he believed the forgotten pickles were due to diversity hires. "Forgive me, sir, but how do we know your lost pickles are due to inclusion programs?" asked Presidential aide Thomas Denton. "We all agree that hiring people because of their skin color or gender is bad, but shouldn't we perhaps gather more evidence before saying that's what caused the pickle tragedy?"
White House sources report that Denton was slapped in the mouth and reassigned to a consulate in Bosnia.
At publishing time, a still livid President Trump had posted, "THIS WOULD NEVER HAVE HAPPENED WHEN I WORKED AT MCDONALD'S!!"
Travis is back on his mission to interview everyone. Next on the list is celebrity chef and restaurateur Andrew Gruel.
