GameStop is hot! Buy buy buy! Why all this talk about the stock market and GameStop all of a sudden? What does it mean to short a stock? Can I become as rich as that guy on The Wolf of Wall Street except spend all my money on Bibles and Babylon Bee subscriptions instead of drugs and hookers? All those answers and more in this handy Babylon Bee explainer:
What happened to GameStop's stock?
Redditors noticed that GameStop's stock was heavily shorted and began buying it up in large quantities. This caused the stock price to go up until hedge fund managers started crying and flipped the Monopoly game board over.
Who is involved?
On one side of the fight are the hedge fund managers. These guys are good-hearted regular folks living out the American dream by manipulating markets so that companies will fail and they can buy another desperately needed yacht.
On the other side are a bunch of Cheeto-stained Redditors who are dangerously manipulating markets to try to make money. These guys obviously weren't informed that the stock market was only for rich people to make money. They're probably Nazis and alt-righters too.
What does shorting a stock mean?
It means you sit on a rapidly growing pile of ill-gotten money while cheering loudly every time a company's stock falls another few percentage points in hopes that one day they collapse entirely so you can buy a fourth house.
Can you explain that using lemonade stand analogies?
Yeah, so, it's like, you have a bunch of lemons, and I borrow them from you and sell them. Then the lemon market tanks, so I buy lemons at a much lower price and then hand them back to you. So I'm rooting for both you and the lemon industry to fail. I feel bad for all the lemonade stands, of course, but I'm able to wipe my tears with my new piles of cash.
Who is rooting for the Redditors?
The Left, the Right, the Center, the middle class, the lower class, the upper class, AOC, Ted Cruz, your mom -- basically everybody except for the richest 0.001% of the nation.
Why are they buying GameStop stock?
It's simple. They like the stock. GameStop has a unique, innovative business model where they sell video games and you give them money. It's a surefire bet. Our hot stock tip? BUY $GME TO THE MOON BABY CHOO CHOO 🚀🚀🚀
Is what's going on here legal?
It depends on how much money you have.
