Christians, you might have noticed, have their own unique way of talking that can seem like a completely different language. To help you translate, the Babylon Bee has compiled this handy updated guide to Christian phrases:
"The Lord laid it on my heart": I wanna.
"Let's take some time to posture our hearts before we start worship": The media guy can't find the lyrics slide.
"Please consider if the Lord might be leading you to volunteer in the nursery": There's literally no one watching your children right now, it's Lord of the Flies back there.
"Quiet time": Nap time.
"I think the Lord could use us as a couple to advance the Kingdom": You're hot and I'd like to make out with you.
"We really see God gifting you in a different area": You are awful at your job.
"I feel like the Lord is calling me to a time of singleness": No one asked me to homecoming.
"I would love to better understand the heart behind your decision": What the heck are you doing, dummy?
"#BLESSED": The store took my expired coupon.
"It was a total God thing": It was what I wanted.
"Lord, I just want to echo Bob's prayer": I forgot it was my turn to pray.
"We don't have small groups here, we have Gospel-centered missional families": We have small groups and a thesaurus.
"I'm working to keep pursuing my wife's heart": I'm rinsing the dishes.
"We just want to pour into that new couple at Church": Whoa, they need Jesus.
"Oh, biscuits": Ironically, the Bee cannot write what Christians mean by this, as this is a Christian website.
Hopefully, this helps make those weirdo Church folks out there a little easier to understand. Let us know any other lingo that we missed in the comments.
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