Christians, you might have noticed, have their own unique way of talking that can seem like a completely different language. To help you translate, the Babylon Bee has compiled this handy updated guide to Christian phrases:
"The Lord laid it on my heart": I wanna.
"Let's take some time to posture our hearts before we start worship": The media guy can't find the lyrics slide.
"Please consider if the Lord might be leading you to volunteer in the nursery": There's literally no one watching your children right now, it's Lord of the Flies back there.
"Quiet time": Nap time.
"I think the Lord could use us as a couple to advance the Kingdom": You're hot and I'd like to make out with you.
"We really see God gifting you in a different area": You are awful at your job.
"I feel like the Lord is calling me to a time of singleness": No one asked me to homecoming.
"I would love to better understand the heart behind your decision": What the heck are you doing, dummy?
"#BLESSED": The store took my expired coupon.
"It was a total God thing": It was what I wanted.
"Lord, I just want to echo Bob's prayer": I forgot it was my turn to pray.
"We don't have small groups here, we have Gospel-centered missional families": We have small groups and a thesaurus.
"I'm working to keep pursuing my wife's heart": I'm rinsing the dishes.
"We just want to pour into that new couple at Church": Whoa, they need Jesus.
"Oh, biscuits": Ironically, the Bee cannot write what Christians mean by this, as this is a Christian website.
Hopefully, this helps make those weirdo Church folks out there a little easier to understand. Let us know any other lingo that we missed in the comments.
California transplants Steve and Timpani try to be the perfect Texas hosts for Brittuni's visit, but Steve quickly realizes he needs a sensible vehicle now that he's about to become a dad.
