The Babylon Bee Guide To Surviving After Your Money Becomes Worthless
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With record government spending and inflation, it looks like your money will soon be worth nothing! Too bad! Fortunately, there are plenty of ways to purchase the goods and services you need without using that worthless paper. Here are some ways to do it:

Trade your mint condition Pokemon cards and Beanie Babies: Experts say these could be the primary currency of our dystopian future! Be sure to hold on to your pogs, slammers, and Funko Pop dolls as well. 

Become one of those guys at the beach with a metal detector: Let's be honest: this is the American Dream right here! 

Become an indentured servant: Learn new skills! Work with your hands! Get stuff in return, like a potato or some gruel!

Collect gold bars so you can melt them down and make high-level gold swords and armor making you the most powerful fighter so you can steal other people's canned beans: Your video games have prepared you for this very moment.

Allow people to read from your collection of old pre-woke comic books in exchange for goods and services: People will give anything to read the stories from DC and Marvel before they went all "woke" on us.

Sell your least-favorite child: Just don't tell them you're doing it because they're your least favorite or you might hurt their feelings. 

Just imagine: Imagine no possessions. Imagine there's no Heaven. Imagine all the people living for today! I'll bet you feel better already! 

Try to make extra blood plasma: Very lucrative. People always want blood plasma for different stuff and things.

Put together a raiding party and go raid: As long as you're holding a sign that says "Justice" or something, it should be ok. 

Exchange work favors, fair and square: Just maybe not with your proctologist. 

Just use Chinese Yuan: Everyone else will, anyway.

There you have it! We think that's pretty much all you need to survive the impending collapse. You'll do fine, kid! 


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