WASHINGTON, D.C. — Sources at the White House say that Marco Rubio spent a full hour and a half telling the other little guys at the Thanksgiving kids' table how he himself brokered the Ukraine-Russia peace deal.
According to sources, Rubio sat down at the table with his plate of mashed potatoes and immediately began regaling his companions with the story.
"Hey! Hey you guys! I was the one who did that. Me, Marco!" Rubio reportedly said, gesturing with a fork full of potatoes and gravy. "They said a little guy like me couldn't do it, but I did, all by myself. I made Putin and Zelensky sit and work it out using their nice words. It was a really big boy thing to do. Isn't that cool?"
Rubio was then sternly told by the adults to pipe down, as he was distracting from their adult conversation.
According to Vice-President JD Vance, who briefly stopped by the kiddie table, Rubio's storytelling started to get old after a while. "We get it, Marco," said Vance. "Let the other kids talk and tell about the neat things they did last week, okay bro?"
At publishing time, Rubio had launched into a long story of how he himself had personally stopped the minting of the penny in the United States.
Heartwarming!
