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Politics
That Alabama Sharpie Thing Identified As Most Important Issue By 78% Of Voters

U.S.—In a recent survey of the top issue for likely voters, there was a clear winner, scoring as the number one concern for 78% of respondents: the Alabama Sharpie thing.

“Trump said something about Alabama getting hit with a hurricane and then there was a Sharpie line on a map. We need to know more about this,” said Rodney Norton, an electrician, expressing the concerns of most citizens.

The Alabama Sharpie thing is now in its second week of news coverage, and many now expect it to be the main issue on Election Day 2020, dwarfing any concerns about the economy or immigration. It’s shaping the Democratic presidential primary; now when a candidate starts talking about side issues like climate change, audience members will yell out, “What about Alabama?” and “What’s with the Sharpie?”

Trump recently tweeted a doctored video of a cat playing with a laser pointer against the Alabama Sharpie map, seeming to make light of the issue that has gripped the nation. This has only steeled the resolve of the media to get to the bottom of the whole thing about Alabama and a Sharpie. CNN is currently trying to find the owners of the cat that was in the video and is planning to dox them as soon as they find them, just to be on the safe side.

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