AUSTIN, TX — The State of Texas has issued its annual reminder for residents to please refrain from shooting Santa Claus.
The reminder has gone out to all Texans every December 21st for the last twenty years, ever since the infamous 2005 incident when Dasher took a round of buckshot over Amarillo.
"We are once again asking all Texans to please put down your shotguns for just twelve hours," said Governor Greg Abbott. "Do not attempt to shoot any low-flying sleighs guided by reindeer, no matter how badly you want to bag a caribou. Most importantly, do not shoot Santa. Let the big elf put down the presents and get out of there alive. There are lots of kids counting on you to holster your pistols for this one night."
According to sources at the North Pole, Santa has begun taking extra precautions while delivering toys in Texas. "Santa never crosses the border now without putting body armor on under the coat," said an elf on condition of anonymity. "In advance of the sleigh, we also launch fake ducks in the air to smoke out any Texans hiding with a twelve-gauge. Dasher still refuses to go there, though. Santa always has to drop him at the Oklahoma border and pick him back up on the way out. It's a real pain."
At publishing time, the State of Texas had also asked residents to please refrain from hog-tying reindeer.
These friendly Christian extremists have gotten out of hand.
