LOS ANGELES, CA - Tonight's Super Bowl event has been temporarily delayed so LA authorities can clear out a homeless encampment that sprung up overnight on the 50-yard line.
"Unfortunately, we may have to delay the game by 30 or 40 minutes," said a maskless Mayor Eric Garcetti while trying to hold his breath as a big yellow bulldozer demolished a row of tents behind him. "Everything's fine. Nothing to see here! LA is a wonderful place to live!"
Some experts claim that the homelessness epidemic in LA is due to crushing government policies that drive up the cost of living and make owning a home impossible for anyone making less than $12 million per year. Other experts have condemned those first experts as "homelessphobes."
After being cleared from the stadium, the homeless crowd will be relocated to an encampment out of sight and out of mind, at least until the big game is over.
Here is a comprehensive list of the only instances it is acceptable for men to shed a tear.