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Sunday School Teachers' Union Goes On Strike To Demand Shorter Sermons

U.S.—Stating that negotiations had broken down in the tense conflict, the nation’s Sunday school teachers organized a countrywide strike to protest pastors who preach sermons that go 30 minutes over their allotted time limit, sources across the nation confirmed Monday.

The teachers refuse to perform their duties watching the little ones until their demands for having the pastor only preach within his designated time are met.

“Until our nation’s pastors can manage to fit their sermons in their more-than-adequate 45-minute time slot, we’re not budging!” a representative for the United States Sunday School Teacher’s Union said at a protest at one Indiana megachurch. “Find someone else to organize extra activities or dig up an old VeggieTales VHS tape on the fly when we have to fill an extra half-hour of class time! We’re not doing it!”

“Heck no! We won’t go!” the group of teachers then began chanting in unison.

At publishing time, the group had also begun demanding more flannelgraph supplies, more Goldfish crackers, and double the pay, which would bring the national average to $0 per hour if their demands are met.

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