Health
Study Finds Most People Just Wearing Masks To Avoid Sea Of Judgmental Glares

U.S.—A new study found that the primary reason people are wearing masks in public now is not to stop COVID-19 but rather to avoid the sea of judgmental stares.

92% of Americans surveyed said they're wearing the masks not to stop the spread of the virus but just so they aren't publicly shamed.

"Honestly, I couldn't care less about the 'rona, but I just want to get in and out and pick up a few groceries without getting glared at like I'm a serial killer who personally murdered hundreds of thousands of Americans," said Bob Cristoff as he went into a Safeway. "I just need some eggs, please don't beat me to death."

The science is unsure on how effective masks are at stopping the coronavirus, but the science all agrees that they do stop people from screaming at you that you want grandma to die.

"Yeah, they might stop some transmission," said one medical expert, "but the important thing is that you conform and not make things awkward as everybody glares at you for just walking around and doing your thing like you're a normal person. That is one thing we must stop with as many judgmental looks as possible."

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