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Study Finds Chick-Fil-A Sauce Kills 100% Of Germs

U.S.—A new study has found that Chick-fil-A sauce miraculously kills 100% of germs.

While leading hand sanitizers kill only 99.99% of germs, the mysterious Chick-fil-A sauce formula kills all germs. Scientists are baffled at the findings, saying the sauce is delicious and everything but they have no idea why it kills harmful bacteria. They also said they needed to continue studying the sauce and asked for hundreds more Chick-fil-A sandwiches, waffle fries, lemonade, and sauce to be shipped to their research center for prolonged testing.

"Truly this is the Lord's chosen sauce," said head researcher Dr. Richard West as he dug into a #1 with a lemonade, careful to wash his hands with the sauce afterward. "It is only fitting that the Lord should eradicate this disease with his favorite chicken sandwich sauce."

Researchers also believe the sauce can function as perfume, cologne, motor oil, face lotion, WD-40, holy water, insect repellent, moisturizer, and shampoo. "Plus, it's great in cereal and root beer floats."

The revelation caused millions of Americans to descend on Chick-fil-A locations to pick up some CFA sauce and some food while they were there. Unfortunately, most people are eating the sauce and licking the containers clean before they can even wash their hands with it, forcing them to return to Chick-fil-A for second lunch.

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