Politics
New Voting Machines To Include 'Vote Opposite Of Celebrities' Option

U.S.—New voting machines rolling out in the U.S. this year will include a handy option to place all your votes opposite of whichever candidates and measures celebrities want you to vote for. The machines are programmed with up-to-date data on which ballot measures and candidates for office elite celebrities in the movie and music industry have come out in favor of and will let you automatically vote a straight-ticket against whatever they wanted to win.

"This will make voting much easier and faster for the majority of America," said the inventor of these new voting machines, Bob Vote. "Instead of having to think about each option, you can just have our machine pick whatever the celebs don't want you to do, guaranteeing your choices are probably pretty solid."

The machines will also include pop-up warnings when someone chooses an option supported by celebrities, with helpful messages like "You have chosen something Taylor Swift agrees with -- would you like to rethink your life?"


A Babylon Bee subscriber contributed to this report. If you want to get involved with the staff writers at The Babylon Bee, check out our membership options here!

Breaking: PayPal Now Available

Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered PayPal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added PayPal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.

There are 9 comments on this article.

You must become a premium subscriber or login to view or post comments on this article.