MOUNTAIN VILLAGE, WA - "It's okay to cry," said Troy Pierce, a sad pathetic excuse for a man. Pierce went on to explain how in these stressful times, it's important to be attuned to one's feelings and acknowledge them -- the sort of things one might hear from a woman if one were to actually listen.

"We have it in our head you can't see a man cry," continued the bag of estrogen in the vague shape of a man, "but that's a poisonous idea."

Others pretended to support this idea. "He's right; there's nothing wrong with a man crying," said Christie Mathis, a woman, though you could tell from her eyes that she was repulsed by him and instead desired a real man with no emotion and maybe a longer beard.

Scientists are unsure of the purpose of crying. In small children, it seems to signal they need help. Women can also cry, usually as a means of emotionally manipulating men. It is unknown what purpose crying could have for men other than just to disgust everyone around them. Some believe men evolved the ability to cry when Braveheart came out, but now it's just a vestigial function.

Thus, most men disagree with Pierce on it being okay to cry. "Rrrgh," said Duke Miller, a Marine sergeant, in a noncommittal grunt as he continued to hold the same stony-faced expression he used while riding a roller coaster, seeing the birth of his son, and attending his father's funeral.