Politics
'I Assure You, Joe's In Perfect Health,' Says Spokesperson As Biden Slowly Rides Up Stair Lift

WASHINGTON, D.C.—During a live-streamed video Thursday, a Joe Biden spokesperson assured everyone that the campaign's candidate was in perfect health as he slowly rode up a stair lift that's been installed in his home for years.

"Just look at this guy -- the very image of health," he said as Biden slowly ascended the stairs with a confused expression on his face. "Concerns about Biden's health or mental state are ageist propaganda. He's as tough and ready to govern as ever."

"Who is that whippersnapper and why is he in our home!?" Biden was heard shouting as he reached the top of the stairs. "Someone get me off this thing! Where's that articulate, clean black guy I used to work with? Nice fellow, he was. He'd understand. Let's get him on the party line, Jill!" Only then did he realize he was actually speaking with his sister.

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