U.S.—According to several studies, millions of songbirds across the country are living very happy, fulfilled, carefree lives even though literally none of them are subscribed to Amazon Prime.
"According to all the birds we studied, we couldn't find a single one that seemed angry, discouraged, anxious, or worried," said local ornithologist Devin Brewster. "This is very strange since literally none of them have subscriptions to Amazon's excellent Prime service that provides excellent streaming entertainment and next-day shipping. How are they so happy?"
Experts say that anyone who goes outside as the sun rises will hear the beautiful songs of thousands of beautifully unique birds singing in the trees—apparently completely oblivious to the existence of Prime.
"It's almost as if they know a loving creator will provide for their every need, clothing the birds and flowers of the field in splendor unmatched by the greatest kings in history," said Brewster. "Man, they're really missing out."
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