Study: Average Father Spends 97% Of Time Running Around House Turning Lights Off

U.S.—A new study of fatherhood in America found that the average dad spends up to 97% of his time running around the house turning off lights that the rest of the family left on.

Researchers confirmed that the vast majority of fathers spend the bulk of their day scrambling from room to room, yelling things like, “What is this, an art gallery?!” as they flick off lights the rest of the family left on. Other popular phrases include “Every light in this house is on!” and “Am I the only one around here who knows what electricity costs?!” according to the study results.

“The average American dad turns off enough lights to power the entire Eastern Seaboard on any given day,” head researcher Dr. Paul Winters said in an interview. “Thanks to the nation’s fathers, there’s enough energy to go around. If it weren’t for them, we’d be experiencing apocalyptic blackouts nearly every day, as kids everywhere walk into rooms and turn every possible light and electronic device on before immediately leaving to do something else.”

Fathers were also found to turn off power-hungry devices like Xbox consoles, TV sets, computers, and air conditioning units with regularity.

The study found that the small amount of time fathers have remaining after turning lights off around the house all day is spent rewatching Pixar films with their children for the 100th time and tinkering with lawn mowers.

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