HEAVEN - The streets of heaven used to be paved with gold, but they've been changed to the far more valuable substance known as toilet paper.

Every street in the place of peace and happiness will be paved with deluxe rolls of Charmin. It is unknown yet if you'll have to relieve yourself in heaven, but if so, there will be an ample supply of TP for you to use.

"Frankly, it's worth more," said an angelic representative. "Though I don't know why you guys are all stockpiling it on earth. What's wrong with you people!?!"

Several musicial groups revised their songs about heaven, with Creed changing one of their popular songs to the lyrics "Can you take me higher / to a place with Charmin streets?"  Meanwhile, U2 changed "Where the Streets Have No Name" to "Where the Streets Have Two-Ply."

San Francisco was quick to point out that their streets are also paved with toilet paper, though it is used.