U.S. — While the content of President Joe Biden's speech was being debated on both sides of the political spectrum, the State of the Union address received strongly negative reviews from unborn babies.
The criticism, obtained via specialized ultrasound technology, accused the president of exhibiting strong prejudice against society's most vulnerable people, as Biden sought to campaign on the issue of making abortion more widely available.
A poll of unborn children across the country revealed an astonishing 100% unfavorable rating for Biden's speech. "Yeah, not a fan," said one unborn baby. "I particularly didn't like the part about making it easier and more acceptable for women to, you know, murder us. Being a child in the womb myself, you can understand why I might find these statements rather alarming."
Though the U.S. Supreme Court effectively overturned Roe v. Wade and returned abortion regulation to individual states, Biden made it clear that he would be campaigning on a platform that included prioritizing abortion rights. "This is an important issue for the president," said black and gay White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre, who is gay and also black. "He feels strongly that protecting the rights and best interests of the American people includes making it much easier to murder American babies at any stage of their development. Frankly, we don't understand why anyone would oppose this."
When asked to respond, the unborn baby provided the following statement: "I'd rather not be killed."
At publishing time, the White House refused to comment on the unborn babies' opinions, saying the administration didn't view them as human beings.
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