TEXAS — The crisis at the southern border came to a sudden resolution as the State of Texas blocked the 1,254 mile border with a wall of discarded Funko Pops.
"Welp, that was easy," said Governor Abbott as the last dump truck load of Funko Pops fell into place. "Recycling at its finest."
The wall reportedly contains approximately 400 million of the ubiquitous collectible dolls, famously characterized by their grossly oversized heads. "We believe the border wall now contains 40% of the world's discarded Funko Pops," said Border Patrol agent Sam Rogers. "Darth Vader Funko Pop heads alone occupy over 100,000 cubic feet of space in this bad boy. It's pretty cool to have Vader, the Mandalorian, and SpongeBob all guarding the border with their giant heads."
The newly constructed monstrosity, easily visible from outer space, has brought illegal crossing to a screeching halt. "It is completely impenetrable," said Governor Abbott. "No one can scale the mountain of Funko Pops. No one dares to try. The migrant caravans get one look at that towering behemoth of ungainly Iron Man and Dwight Schrute heads, and they head back home. Razor wire doesn't hold a candle to a wall of Funko Pops."
At publishing time, the Biden administration had dispatched the 101st Airborne on a daring mission to breach the Funko Pop wall.
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