Star Wars Fans Begin Impeachment Proceedings Against JJ Abrams
Entertainment · Nov 11, 2019 ·

BURBANK, CA - Star Wars fans have officially begun impeachment proceedings against J.J. Abrams for "high crimes and misdemeanors" against the franchise.

Should the impeachment attempt prove successful, Abrams and Rian Johnson's work will be expunged from the franchise's history, and all Expanded Universe material will again become canon. Legal scholars believe the attempt could be successful, as there is sufficient evidence to prove that Abrams has committed treason against Star Wars.

Protesters gathered outside Walt Disney Studios to demand impeachment even as lawyers began the paperwork to start proceedings.

"Impeachment now! Impeachment now!" the group of disgruntled fans chanted. "Crucify Abrams! Give us George Lucas!"

One fan got on a megaphone and gave a stirring speech: "They say J.J. Abrams' vision for Star Wars is the new norm! But we can never accept this as the status quo! We will not go quietly into Rise of Skywalker, where Rey is surely going to be revealed as transgender or something weird and Rose will probably save the day despite being a terrible character. I say, 'No more!' I say, 'Enough is enough!' Don't let our galactic democracy be destroyed by the tyranny of the rich and powerful!"

"Let the hate flow through you!" he cried to cheers from the crowd.

Police were eventually forced to disperse the crowd after the smell of body odor became a public health concern.

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