PIERRE, SD—In a controversial decision, Governor Kristi Noem will sign a bill prohibiting wild mountain lions from competing in women's sports. The legislation will restrict women's sports to human biological women.
"We think women's sports should be limited to human biological women," said Noem. "So, we wrote a bill to ensure that. Happy International Women's Day!"
Critics are condemning the legislation as "small-headed", "bigoted", and "hateful."
"Mountain lion women are women! Mountain lion women are women! Mountain lion women are women!" said one critic on Twitter, repeating the saying three times for maximum effect.
PETA has announced they will sue the state to protect mountain lion's rights to compete in sports.
Several mountain lion activists are prowling the state capital and have promised to prey on the city's inhabitants until their rights are restored.