WASHINGTON, D.C. - According to sources close to local man Brandon Etherton, the man remarked about how glad he is that he lives in a real democracy and not one of those banana republics in Central America.

"I'm glad I live in a democratic republic and not one of those fake banana republics," he said happily as he walked by the wall semi-permanently surrounding the place where laws are made in his country. "It feels good to live in a country ruled for the people and by the people, and not one of those fake dictatorships that passes laws in secret. We always have access to our legislators, and that's one of the things that makes America great."

He then tried to go visit his representative and was tackled to the ground by the National Guard, who have been installed there indefinitely to prevent people from entering the Capitol Building.