Christian Living
Sorry Excuse For A Christian Consults Bible's Table Of Contents

HOUSTON, TX—During a Wednesday night Bible study, local pathetic Christian Hank Lawson was deeply humiliated for being forced to consult his Bible’s table of contents after being unable to locate the book of Philemon in the Scriptures, sources confirmed.

The public display of Scriptural incompetence came after the Bible study’s teacher spontaneously called on Lawson to look up and read Philemon 1:6 out loud to the group, according to witnesses.

Lawson reportedly cleared his throat awkwardly and thumbed through the minor prophets, the wisdom books, and the Pentateuch in his sorry, cringe-inducing attempt to find the small book that every Christian worth his salt knows is located between Titus and Hebrews.

“Philemon…Philemon…just one second here,” Lawson said uncomfortably as the rest of the Bible study participants began to shuffle impatiently, the majority of them already having located Paul’s letter near the back of their Bibles.

Witnesses claimed that after “30–40 seconds” Lawson finally threw in the towel and consulted the table of contents in order to find the book.

“Ah, there we go—page 1000, OK then,” the spiritual failure mumbled as he bungled his way to the book to read the passage in question, according to sources.

“It was so painful,” another church member told reporters. “What kind of a loser can’t find Philemon?” The parishioner further stated that he wasn’t even aware his Bible had a table of contents until he witnessed the unfortunate incident Wednesday night.

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