SAN FRANCISCO, CA - A newly available home in San Francisco has been listed for $1.5 million. The house is said to be a "spacious, open-concept turnkey home for the budget-minded."
While the home is constructed of cardboard that is soaked in mud, alcohol, and possibly fecal matter and full of used syringes covered in old drugs and blood - which are also stabbed into the box at random as if a previous owner was using their used heroin needles to play darts or something - realtors are calling the house a "great location! A real fixer-upper!" in recently placed advertisements.
"It may not seem like much for 1.5 mil, but a lot of people aren't used to San Fransisco prices," explained Karen Laskey of Coldwell Realtors. "Out here people kill for a home like this."
Lasky says prices are only rising and any interested buyers should dive head-first into this box of contaminated old needles. "You can't go wrong with a deal like this. This style of home has been popular in San Fran for a long time and will only become more sought after over time. People get addicted."