U.S. — Multiple reports out of the U.S. Thursday indicated that Long John Silver's is still a thing. Experts confirmed their findings that the fast-food seafood restaurant, which is an actual thing, is in fact still in existence. "It seems this restaurant, which we all had thought went out of business years ago, still exists," said one researcher. "The one near me is still sitting there on Broadway Ave., just kind of hanging in there. I've never seen anyone go in or come out, kind of like Willy Wonka's chocolate factory. It's just kind of there." Multiple witnesses across the country confirmed that they too seem to remember seeing Long John Silver's restaurants that appear to continue to exist. At publishing time, sources had also confirmed that Applebee's is also miraculously, against all odds, still in business.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
