It's one of the hardest parts of running a church: trying to find a qualified youth pastor. Who wants the job, anyway, when it probably doesn't pay and doesn't even count as being a real pastor? But someone's gotta watch the unruly teens while the adults do real church, so if you're on the lookout for your church's next youth pastor, check out these 11 most-desired job skills:
- Foosball skills - It's important he can flick the ball down the pitch with the best of them.
- Ability to order correct quantity of pizza and Mountain Dew - It's not easy to estimate how many Little Caesar's classic cheese pizzas will feed 62 hungry teenagers, but a skilled youth pastor can do it.
- Fiscally responsible enough to manage a $7 annual budget - You definitely want a youth pastor who has graduated from Financial Peace University summa cum laude.
- Looks dope in a sideways hat - Chains and other drip optional.
- Hacky sack king - Can he pull off moves like the flying dragon and the double reverse toe stall butterfly? If not, keep looking.
- Can turn any Marvel movie into a Bible lesson - Even the bad ones, like Captain Marvel and pretty much everything since Endgame.
- Knows all the hip language like "tight", "phat", and "Are you down with the JC?" - It's important to be able to relate to the youths.
- Has a face - Arms and legs also preferred but not a must.
- Preaches no longer than 15 minutes - You can't have the kids getting too much Bible.
- Absolute boss at Call of Duty - We're talking 20-30 solo victories under his belt at a minimum.
- Has been within 1,000 feet of a Bible (optional) - A youth pastor with a passing knowledge of the Bible is a plus, but not strictly necessary.
Are you the church's next youth pastor? If you tick 3 or 4 of these boxes, you could be getting called up to the minors soon!
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
