WASHINGTON, D.C. — Smoke rose from the Capitol building early this afternoon, indicating that Congress had resumed shoveling taxpayer dollars into a giant bonfire.
"They're back at it," said local resident Milton Dennings, watching the cloud of smoke rise. "Well. All good things must come to an end."
After three weeks of Congress being hamstrung by having no Speaker of the House, the glowing embers of the last trillion dollars set on fire had at last begun to fade. "So, if we can't light money on fire, what exactly are we doing here?" asked Representative Tom Emmer, twiddling his thumbs. "Frankly, I'm to the point I don't care anymore who is lighting the match, so long as there is cash going up in flames."
As smoke began billowing out of the Capitol, Americans learned that the brief respite from money scorching had come to a close. "Oh man, they're really getting after it," said Frank Snow, watching on TV as smoke poured out. "Making up for lost time, I suppose. Hmm, I wonder if this will affect inflation?"
At publishing time, Congress had proposed a $50 billion study to determine the effect of lighting money on fire to combat inflation. Sadly, the proposal and the $50 billion was also set on fire.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
