MALIBU, CA — Though Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. is famous for his unconventional political views and voice that sounds like he ate a piece of sandpaper and washed it down with a barrel of rocks, part of that changed Thursday after he enjoyed a small sip of water.
"Wow!" he said, feeling his throat clear right up. "I don't know why I never thought of this before. I should have tried this years ago!"
According to sources, it only took a single drink of water to clear his throat right up.
Kennedy's wife, Cheryl Hines, was reportedly overjoyed by her husband's new booming voice. "You sound just like James Earl Jones!" she said, more attracted to him than ever.
"Not only that, dear wife," RFK, Jr. said melodiously, "but I can siiiiiiiiiiiiing!"
The one-time presidential candidate then forgot all his troubles and serenaded his wife under the beautiful rising sun on their humble little patch of paradise on the coast of Malibu, where only the most fortunate live.
At publishing time, Kennedy reportedly regretted agreeing to drop out of the presidential race to endorse Trump now that he had a voice that was the envy of all men. "So much time wasted swallowing rusty razor blades," he said regretfully.
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