LOS ANGELES, CA — The results of a shocking new study conducted by researchers at UCLA sent ripples through the scientific community this week, confirming what many have long suspected: someone, somewhere is still making Avatar movies.
"Our worst fears appear to have come true," said sociology professor Christopher James, a contributor to the study. "Despite all common sense and reason, someone out there is actively producing yet another Avatar sequel."
The study, a joint effort between UCLA's Department of Psychiatry and Biobehavioral Sciences and the drama club, revealed approximately three more Avatar films are planned. The third, entitled Fire and Ash, is expected to hit theaters on December 19, despite all known scientific logic and reason.
Researchers say they don't yet know who or what is behind the films, but speculate it can't possibly be human. "This goes well beyond reason into madness," said Dr. Simeon Gourd, a trained psychiatrist at UCLA. "No human intellect would make more of these movies. No being capable of reason or goodness could make these movies. We do not know what dark, idiotic power is behind this."
Researchers have asked for $200,000 from the federal government to continue the study and find out how to cancel the films.
At publishing time, experts had warned the public to stay away from cinemas during the month of December to avoid accidental contact with the Avatar sequel.
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