ALPHARETTA, GA—While preparing for the next installment of his “Who Needs God” series, in which he has been attempting to make the case that the Bible is not a necessary pillar of the Christian faith, Andy Stanley, Senior Pastor of several hundred megachurches in the Atlanta area, was reportedly shocked upon being informed by an intern that the New Testament is actually part of the Bible.
“I don’t believe this,” Stanley exclaimed after verifying the statement on GotQuestions.org. “All this time I’ve been yelling about how people don’t need the Bible, they just need the Gospels and some other portions of the New Testament as the basis for their Christian faith. Why didn’t anyone tell me?”
The young intern went on to explain that this simple fact creates serious problems for the line of reasoning Stanley has employed recently. “You see, Mr. Stanley, sir, when you say that people don’t need to believe the Bible, they just need to believe the stuff about Jesus in the New Testament—”
“Oh wow,” a dismayed Stanley interrupted, as it reportedly “all seemed to click in his mind at once.”
“Man, I am such a stinkin’ goof,” he said. “I can’t imagine people around the internet must be saying about me right now.”