Vacation Bible School season is upon us once again, and you may have noticed that every denomination has its own special twist on how to engage elementary-age kiddos. The Babylon Bee has surveyed the country, and here are the most popular VBS themes for each denomination:
Prosperity Gospel: "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?":
Name it and claim it, little ones.
Calvinist: "Hooked On Depravity: A Completely Wicked, Totally Depraved Summer":
The kids couldn't be more excited.
Catholic: "Alcoholics Anonymous":
It's never too early to start.
Non-denominational: "SUPER EXPLODING MARS ROCKET UNDERWATER JESUS PARTY":
VBS just got turned up to "11".
Mennonite: No VBS this year, Jethro. We must raise the barn:
Sorry, Jethro.
ELCA Lutheran: "Saddle Up For A Sexuality Safari":
For Kindergarten and up.
Southern Baptist: "Escape From Hell"
Yeesh. Better not miss this one.
Presbyterian: "Arctic Adventure: Frozen In Place For Jesus"
Episcopalians: Haha we don't have VBS all our churches are dying:
Sad.
Anglicans:
Huzzah!
It's going to be a great VBS season, parents. Get excited!
Rumors swirl about the current condition of Senator Mitch McConnell, but his staff have come out to say that even if he were dead he will still be able to finish his term.
