Vacation Bible School season is upon us once again, and you may have noticed that every denomination has its own special twist on how to engage elementary-age kiddos. The Babylon Bee has surveyed the country, and here are the most popular VBS themes for each denomination:
Prosperity Gospel: "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?":
Name it and claim it, little ones.
Calvinist: "Hooked On Depravity: A Completely Wicked, Totally Depraved Summer":
The kids couldn't be more excited.
Catholic: "Alcoholics Anonymous":
It's never too early to start.
Non-denominational: "SUPER EXPLODING MARS ROCKET UNDERWATER JESUS PARTY":
VBS just got turned up to "11".
Mennonite: No VBS this year, Jethro. We must raise the barn:
Sorry, Jethro.
ELCA Lutheran: "Saddle Up For A Sexuality Safari":
For Kindergarten and up.
Southern Baptist: "Escape From Hell"
Yeesh. Better not miss this one.
Presbyterian: "Arctic Adventure: Frozen In Place For Jesus"
Episcopalians: Haha we don't have VBS all our churches are dying:
Sad.
Anglicans:
Huzzah!
It's going to be a great VBS season, parents. Get excited!
Behold! Woke Jesus is teaching when the Pharisees bring to him a woman caught in adultery. Listen and learn from this cherished Bible story about how Woke Jesus turned to intersectionality.
