OMAHA, NE—After carefully placing her son’s new Nintendo Switch perfectly centered on the roll of wrapping paper laid out on her bedroom floor, local mother Lori Wilson reportedly turned around to pick up the scissors she had literally just set down moments before, only to discover the pair of crafting scissors had been taken up into glory.
“I swear they were here just a minute ago!” Wilson exclaimed, looking all over her room and the remainder of the house before coming to the inescapable conclusion that the gift wrapping instrument had been raptured into heaven.
“It’s the only thing that makes sense,” Wilson said as she continued to look around the house before giving up and borrowing another set of scissors from her neighbor.
“The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away.”
At publishing time, Wilson was struck with a sense of wonder after realizing that the roll of tape she had set next to the scissors also had been raptured.
Breaking: Paypal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered Paypal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added Paypal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.