Scientists At Bud Light Working On Time Machine That Goes Back About Six Months
Tech · Jun 23, 2023 ·

ST. LOUIS, MO — According to sources inside the Anheuser-Busch company, scientists at Bud Light have been hard at work on a time machine that would go back about six months.

No one really knows exactly why six months is the target amount of time selected, though some insiders suggest it could have something to do with a dip in sales, stock, motivation, and morale that began around that time.

"While we don't have any functioning time machine yet, we're getting much closer," said lead time machine scientist, Dr. Gary McPherson while conducting a thorough examination of a four-person hot tub extruding various wires, tubes, and what looks like a flux capacitor. "We will soon be starting trial runs using drunk monkeys in swim trunks."

Some say the company has suffered severely since creating commemorative cans for brave young lad Dylan Mulvaney though it would be reckless to assume a simple branding effort could do so much financial harm to an American institution such as Bud Light.

At publishing time, scientists at Bud Light had successfully sent a crew back in time six months to stop their marketing team from getting in touch with Dylan Mulvaney. Instead, the Bud Light marketing team had turned their sights on sponsoring deep-sea tourism company, OceanGate.

It's a serious medical emergency: you're minding your own business when you hear an opinion you slightly disagree with.

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