CAPERNAUM — New evidence suggests that some of the people present at Jesus Christ's famous Sermon on the Mount had to sit in an overflow section on the eastern side of the mount where a large jumbotron screen had been set up.
Writings from the period indicate that many were irritated at having to view the Son of God from a large screen, in some cases lamenting that their spouses had made them late.
"Maybe if she did not adorn herself like the finely arrayed daughters of Babylon we could have left earlier," wrote an irritated Galilean. Fragments of his discourse are quoted by the Jewish historian Josephus in his work Antiquities of the Jews.
Newly uncovered writings from the first-century Roman historian Tacitus say: "During the reign of Tiberius there was set up a large screen from which Christus could be viewed speaking beatitudes. Visio-Magna is reckoned to have stood 87 cubitum. King Herod was denied this power. Sad."
Archeologists working in the area believe that the Church of the Beatitudes was built over the jumbotron, which they believe was without seam, woven whole from the top throughout. Unfortunately, it is the prevailing historical view is that the overflow was too bummed about their seating to appreciate what was likely the first jumbotron ever invented.
In addition, the apostle Thaddeus, who scholars believe served as the sound guy for the event, reportedly received the brunt of the crowd's scorn.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
