HUNTSVILLE, AL - Northwoods Church recently unveiled its new $90 million campus to much fanfare, but somehow just noticed Sunday that the design had failed to include a sanctuary or auditorium where congregants could worship corporately and hear the Word of God being preached each week.

The campus, a 170-acre lot nestled in the hills, includes a petting zoo, a monorail service to and from the parking lot, seven bookstores, nine coffee shops, three restaurants, two youth buildings, a baseball diamond, and three large foyers. Church members seemed to love enjoying the new amenities, getting massages at Wednesday night fellowships and partaking in exciting programs and ministry events throughout the week.

But when Sunday morning came, confused parishioners walked all over the campus, unable to locate any kind of main church building or sanctuary set aside for worship and the preaching of the Word.

"I can't believe we goofed this up," Pastor Rand Petty announced to church members over the megacomplex's various PA systems and video projectors positioned strategically around the campus. "I could have sworn I very clearly mentioned to our architects early on that there was to be a main sanctuary just behind the northernmost tennis courts."

Being forced to make do without a sanctuary, Petty instructed anyone who planned on skipping out on the bowling tournament in order to hear the message that morning to gather on the eastern polo grounds, where a message would be piped in on the Jumbotron.

"We'll make this right. Northwoods will get a sanctuary squeezed in between the men's ministry's climbing wall and Olympic swimming pool sometime in the next three years. In the meantime, enjoy what's really important: our various programs, events, and ministries," Petty said.