San Francisco Walgreens Introduces New Frequent Looter Rewards Punch Card
U.S. ยท Jan 17, 2022

SAN FRANCISCO, CA - In response to record levels of unprosecuted shoplifting, Walgreens stores in San Francisco have introduced a new "Frequent Looter Rewards Card."

"If you can't beat 'em, I guess all you can do is join 'em," said Sandra Lopez, regional manager in charge of 8 locations in the Bay Area. "We don't even have regular shoppers anymore - just looters."

The new punch cards will help looters keep track of their visits and allow store owners to better track their shrink levels so they can more easily make insurance claims.

"Yes, I realize this makes no sense. Some might even call it insane," said Lopez, "but nothing makes sense here in San Francisco. I'm not even sure what I'm doing here anymore. The only reason I even still live here is that there are no more U-Hauls available."

San Francisco's DA has confirmed that looters who visit a Walgreens 10 times will be awarded a free pack of cigarettes and a mail-in voter registration.


Satan held a press conference today responding to the big loss of Roe v. Wade. He's doing his best to keep his chin up.

Subscribe to The Babylon Bee on YouTube

Comments

There are 100 comments on this article.

You must signup or login to view or post comments on this article.