WASHINGTON, DC — After seeing his dazzlingly satanic performance at the Grammys, the Biden Administration has invited gay nonbinary singer Sam Smith to perform at the State of the Union.
"There's no one more in tune with the priorities of the Biden Administration than Sam," said White House Communications Director Kate Bedingfield. "We look forward to watching him liven up the usually drab C-SPAN2 coverage with his stirring rendition of 'Unholy.'"
A White House press release detailed the protections for Sam Smith, which included guarantees that Mike Pence would not be in attendance, as he would pose a danger to any demons accidentally summoned during the performance.
At publishing time, sources confirmed Ukrainian President Zelenskyy will also appear to perform a duet with Smith. Zelenskyy has been credited as a co-writer on the songs Smith wrote for the occasion, as well as Biden's speech.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
