Rookie Angel Forgets To Shout ‘Fear Not’
Scripture · Dec 4, 2022 ·

ISRAEL — Rookie heavenly angel Raphael unleashed total panic after forgetting to shout "fear not" upon showing himself to a group of Israelites.

"What a noob!!" cackled the angel Gabriel, as he doubled over with laughter. "Those poor people thought Armageddon had arrived! Classic!!"

The disheartened angel Raphael hung his head in shame as he recounted the events back to his giggling captain. "I just had no idea how terrifying I look to humans!" exclaimed Raphael. "It took like an hour for me to get one of the shepherds to stop running. After all the training we did on talking to people, I blew it so bad! I'm such an idiot."

After the chuckles subsided, Gabriel reassured the rookie that every messenger angel has had awkward interactions with humankind. "You know son, I accidentally made the prophet Daniel sick for like a week," said Gabriel, throwing his arm around Raphael's shoulder. "Remember in human minds, we're skinny little guys with a penchant for robes. It's a real shock to their fragile little system."

At publishing time, Raphael had reportedly been entered into remedial "Talking To Humans Without Unleashing Utter Hysteria."

Babylon Bee subscriber Grateful Jedi contributed to this report. If you want to pitch your own headline ideas to our staff, click here to check out all of our membership options!

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