WASHINGTON, DC — Tensions among Republican members of Congress are on the rise after Utah Senator Mitt Romney confronted New York Congressman George Santos in the House chamber prior to President Biden's State of the Union address Tuesday night, with Romney reportedly telling Santos that there is only room for one fake Republican in Congress.
"Who does he think he is?" Romney was heard asking his staffers yesterday in the hallways of the Capitol. "There are some of us who have worked our entire lives to be fake conservatives! We're the ones who have earned the right to sell out the Republican party, not this two-bit, fly-by-night con artist!"
When reached for comment, Congressman Santos seemed to take the high road. "While I'm disappointed to hear this from Mitt after the years I spent working as a Mormon missionary with his father, I understand that I am one of the new faces on Capitol Hill," Santos said to reporters. "I'm coming in at the bottom of the totem pole, and I have to prove myself. When I helped Steve Jobs start Apple in his garage in the mid-70s, it was the same thing."
When told of Santos's comments, Romney was not amused. "This guy gives dishonest politicians a bad name, and I won't stand for it," Romney said. "George Santos — if that is indeed his real name — needs to leave the lying and fake conservative act to the experts."
At publishing time, Senator Romney was hard at work preparing an articulate speech that would simultaneously vilify Santos and pledge deep, personal loyalty to strong conservative values that he would immediately abandon and vote against at the soonest opportunity.
Kyle Mann was just minding his own business, when- BOOP! A wild Gender Fairy appeared!