EXPOSED: 23 Foods And How Ron DeSantis Eats Them
Politics · Mar 22, 2023 · BabylonBee.com

Florida Governor and presumptive 2024 Presidential candidate Ron DeSantis has faced increasing questions about his electability amid damning allegations that during a private flight in 2019, he found himself without a spoon and still proceeded to consume a pudding cup with 3 fingers. Horrifying!

Here are 23 newly revealed DeSantis eating habits that may spell doom for his White House ambitions:

  1. String Cheese - chomps right into without even peeling off strings
  2. Raisin Bran - separates it and first eats one bowl of just raisins, then a bowl of just bran flakes
  3. Cheetos - crushes them up in his hands and licks them off
  4. Fish - tosses his head back and swallows it whole like a pelican
  5. Apple Juice - dips his shirt sleeves into the juice and wrings it out into his mouth
  6. Animal Crackers - pretends he's a giant devouring all the helpless creatures of the jungle
  7. Oreos - licks the frosting off, puts the cookies back into the package
  8. Pop Rocks - leans over next to your ear and opens his mouth
  9. French Fries - cracks them open to eat the insides like crab legs
  10. Chicken Nuggets - meticulously peels the skin off first
  11. Bugles - sticks them onto his fingers and pretends he's Wolverine
  12. Teddy Graham's - names them all and makes up little bear adventures for them to go on in Bearland
  13. Fun Dip - snorts it
  14. Oranges - tosses it down the hatch whole and unpeeled
  15. Apples - same as oranges
  16. Pizza - picks the toppings off with chopsticks and then slurps the cheese off
  17. PB&J - uses the same knife in both peanut butter & jelly jars, licks off in between applications
  18. Hamburger - takes a bite then squirts the condiments in his mouth
  19. Sushi - politely uses a fork and knife
  20. Rice - raw, one grain at a time, chewed like sunflower seeds
  21. Chicken Wings - crunches down the whole thing, swallows the bone
  22. Subway - nothing weird here, just the fact that he eats Subway
  23. Alphabet Soup - rearranges the letters to spell out "President Ron DeSantis"

And that's it. Before he could even get started, DeSantis was finished. It was nice knowing you, Ron!


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