Florida Governor and presumptive 2024 Presidential candidate Ron DeSantis has faced increasing questions about his electability amid damning allegations that during a private flight in 2019, he found himself without a spoon and still proceeded to consume a pudding cup with 3 fingers. Horrifying!
Here are 23 newly revealed DeSantis eating habits that may spell doom for his White House ambitions:
- String Cheese - chomps right into without even peeling off strings
- Raisin Bran - separates it and first eats one bowl of just raisins, then a bowl of just bran flakes
- Cheetos - crushes them up in his hands and licks them off
- Fish - tosses his head back and swallows it whole like a pelican
- Apple Juice - dips his shirt sleeves into the juice and wrings it out into his mouth
- Animal Crackers - pretends he's a giant devouring all the helpless creatures of the jungle
- Oreos - licks the frosting off, puts the cookies back into the package
- Pop Rocks - leans over next to your ear and opens his mouth
- French Fries - cracks them open to eat the insides like crab legs
- Chicken Nuggets - meticulously peels the skin off first
- Bugles - sticks them onto his fingers and pretends he's Wolverine
- Teddy Graham's - names them all and makes up little bear adventures for them to go on in Bearland
- Fun Dip - snorts it
- Oranges - tosses it down the hatch whole and unpeeled
- Apples - same as oranges
- Pizza - picks the toppings off with chopsticks and then slurps the cheese off
- PB&J - uses the same knife in both peanut butter & jelly jars, licks off in between applications
- Hamburger - takes a bite then squirts the condiments in his mouth
- Sushi - politely uses a fork and knife
- Rice - raw, one grain at a time, chewed like sunflower seeds
- Chicken Wings - crunches down the whole thing, swallows the bone
- Subway - nothing weird here, just the fact that he eats Subway
- Alphabet Soup - rearranges the letters to spell out "President Ron DeSantis"
And that's it. Before he could even get started, DeSantis was finished. It was nice knowing you, Ron!
World, meet Travis. Travis, meet the world. In this first episode of our new show Travis Interviews the World, we interview some guy named Jordan Peterson.