Rescue Workers Extract New Baptist Parents From Avalanche Of Casseroles

LAKESIDE, CA—A team of rescue specialists from the Lakeside Fire Department confirmed Tuesday they had managed to extract a Baptist family that had recently welcomed a newborn son into the world from a massive avalanche of casseroles, apparently piled up on their house from tens of thousands of meal train participants over the past several days.

The rescue team worked tirelessly for over twelve hours, digging through the mountain of trays of baked chicken, cheese, and potato casseroles as they followed the desperate cries of the family trapped underneath.

“It got pretty hairy there for a while,” Fire Chief Brody Anderson told reporters. “We almost lost a crew member when an unstable formation of tuna casseroles collapsed, burying him for several minutes. But we kept our wits about us and dug him out before he succumbed to the tasty dish.”

“Even during the most intense stages of the rescue, the family’s friends just kept showing up at the scene saying ‘congrats on the new baby!’ and dumping more casserole on top of the already mountainous collection,” he added.

According to emergency responders on the scene, Anderson and his team finally broke through the last stack of warm trays and Crock-Pots of food left on the family’s porch before kicking in the door and finding the helpless family huddled over their dining room table, picking at a cheesy chicken Alfredo casserole.

“They’re lucky we got to them in time. They’d have been completely out of food before the end of the century, for sure,” the chief noted.

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