WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an inspiring show of commitment to the American people, congressional Republicans pledged to get really serious about cutting government spending in like 20 or 30 years.
The move came in response to the Republican voting base's concerns over growing government spending and national debt, which prompted GOP leaders to make a vow to do something about it sometime in the next half-century.
"We are committed to reining in federal spending... sometime," Speaker of the House Mike Johnson told reporters. "We campaigned on promises to our voters that we would bring fiscal responsibility back to the federal government, and we will. Probably a couple of decades from now. Maybe three decades. We remain focused on making good on our promises. Eventually. Probably."
Other Republican politicians have also stepped forward to assure their constituents that they'll be "all over" cutting overspending just as soon as they can get around to it.
"It'll be the high point of my century of public service," said Senator Mitch McConnell. "The time for bringing government spending under control is long overdue, which is why we're serious about doing something about it by the year 2050. Or something like that. We'll see."
Voters across the nation were pleased to hear that their elected officials would prioritize cutting government spending eventually.
"My voice has been heard," said plumber James Castillo. "Until they finally get the cuts in, though, I'll keep propping up government spending as best as I can."
At publishing time, congressional Republicans had announced a bipartisan agreement with Democrats to quadruple the national debt.
Meet Juan. He came to this country with a dream to commit crime. This is his story.
