U.S. — After taking a beating in elections this week, Republican candidates have signaled their willingness to compromise with the Left on the extremely nuanced issue of baby murder.
"Good people could really go either way on this," said presidential candidate Nikki Haley. "I mean, there's killing a baby, and there's not killing a baby. Who's to say what the moral high ground is on this issue? What we need to do is compromise by letting the Left do whatever it wants, which is to kill babies."
"Bomb Russia!" she added confidently.
Vivek Ramaswamy concurred, calling for a federal law that would allow people to kill babies, but only sometimes. "Surely the American people can find a middle ground when it comes to killing babies," he said. "Let's just kill babies some of the time, but not all of the time. That is a moral and ethical position based on my deeply held faith and this answer card that a consultant slipped into my jacket pocket before the debate."
DeSantis also clearly articulated his position, saying his stance on baby killing is "whatever Vivek said."
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
