Representation: New Hollywood Policy Will Require At Least 50% Of Roles To Be Played By Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson

LOS ANGELES, CA—Amid increased calls for diversity and inclusion in Hollywood, the Academy has released new guidelines requiring at least 50% of film roles to be filled by Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.

"Dwayne Johnson is the complete package," said Academy President John Bailey. "He is diverse, meaning he has slightly darker skin or whatever, he can kinda sorta act, and every movie he's in automatically makes a bajillion dollars."

Studios are rushing to meet the new requirements. According to sources, Johnson has already been confirmed to play Neo in the next Matrix film, John McClane in the next Die Hard, and Lady Mary in the upcoming Downton Abbey 2.

Critics are saying these new requirements aren't nearly enough, and that what America really wants is for every single part in every single movie to be played by Dwayne Johnson forever.

In related news, the Chinese Communist Party has decreed that all roles in their propaganda films must be played by John Cena. 


Gregory Ilinovich loves murdering people with illegal guns - so he's a bit concerned about all these new gun regulations. Luckily, he tends not to follow laws anyway.

Subscribe to The Babylon Bee on YouTube
There are 121 comments on this article.

You must become a premium subscriber or login to view or post comments on this article.

Get the Bee delivered straight to your inbox: