WASHINGTON, D.C. — With an alleged third assassination attempt in the books, President Trump is reportedly one step closer to a free third term.
Experts claim this is thanks to a little-known law that allows the President to claim a free additional term if people try to kill him four or more times.
According to sources, a 21-year-old male entered Mar-a-Lago's secure perimeter at approximately 1:30 a.m. carrying a shotgun and a gas can in what may have been an attempt on Trump's life. Secret Service called on the man to drop his weapon and surrender, but was forced to fire upon him after he instead raised his weapon into a firing position, cementing his fate as an attempted assassin and bringing Trump one step closer to another term as president.
Though Trump was in D.C. at the time of the alleged attack, law experts confirm the incident still counts as a valid assassination attempt and have reportedly punched his "Get Four Assassination Attempts, Earn One Free Presidential Term!" card.
"This punch card makes the repeated attempts on my life a kind of fun game," Trump said. "Now I'm one punch away from another term! I really hope someone else tries to kill me soon."
First Lady Melania Trump has reportedly encouraged Trump not to be so brazen with his rhetoric, hopeful that cooling the temperature will discourage people from trying to kill him. Trump, however, didn't see it that way. "Are you crazy? I've almost got another term," he said. "Vance, get me my phone! I'm going to post something extra crazy on Truth Social!"
At publishing time, President Trump had posted: "Another loser tried to kill me. Is that the best you got? YOU CAN NEVER STOP ME. I AM LITERALLY HITLER!"
Protect yourself from the modern day gestapo!
